molasses musings

It looks like rain
and I've got contentment
slow trickling
through my veins.
Why'd they make veins
so goddamn easy to see?
It's like waking up every morning
with a million dollars to your name
and being told you can't spend a damn dime of it.

It's days like these
where I think
so what, if I never fall in love again;
meaning, fall in love
with someone who loves me back.
I'm tired of giving all I've got
to family, friends and lovers
only to get shot
in the back, when I'm already down.

I've got a cat
who's loved me since the first time
he crawled up in my lap.
Only boy who'll ever love me back.

Mama says I need a man
older than me by five to ten years.
I tell her that just seems too old for me.
She says 'careful, your Peter Pan's showing".
I say, so what?
She says "Peter Pan needs to find someone to take care of her".
I laugh it off.
Only time I'll ever admit my Mama's right.

I'm good at being alone.
I'm good at faking independence.
But I bet I could be real good at being in love.
If someone were willing to take the chance.

dreaming

I can write the perfect
romance.
Right now,
it stars
you and me.
Long, slow kisses
followed by gentle
lip presses.
Midnight
Mid Day
Phone calls
just to say 'hi'.
Flowers arrive at my door.
Cookies come to yours.

I can write the perfect romance
the one where you love--
even like me back.
But here I am,
alone.
It's all just words
in my head.

Rebounder pt II

We've established that Ophelia is a rebound girl.
She gets picked up as a pit stop, not a relationship.
The previous girl tends to blame Ophelia for stealing the man away.
Obvious projection of pain.
But there's another level that keeps occurring.
After the man has moved on to a new relationship, a real relationship, that previous girl, still blames Ophelia.

What has Ophelia done?
She hasn't acted as a matchmaker. She hasn't told the man to find stability. She provided comfort, distraction and release. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Ophelia is not responsible for the new relationship.

Where is the logic these rejected girls are using?
Ophelia's a professional scapegoat.
Why not blame the man?
Where is his scarlet letter?

Three Simple Steps

Step One: swallow five (5) to eight (8) acetominophen with half a shot of vodka, repeating every ten (10) minutes for one (1) hour.

Step Two: remove two (2) brand new razorblades from their package. (the cheap kind in the nifty little dispenser will do).

Step Three: go down the road, not across the street, to bleed all your problems away!

In Black and White

[[Note: the use of Ophelia here is in terms of manifestation, not retelling of recent events. Obviously.]]

Ophelia woke up to the smell of hazelnut coffee. She brushed her wavy cinnamon hair away from her face and opened her left eye to look at the nightstand, before lifting her head from the pillow.
Coffee.
Bagel.
Make that, bagel with veggie cream cheese.
Sunday New York Times.
Ophelia sat up.
"Babe?" she called.
Her favorite breakfast. Orgasm inducing newspaper. What was the catch? Or better yet, what was he apologizing for?
Ophelia reached for the paper as she heard her boyfriend's footsteps approaching the bedroom.
As she slid the paper from the nightstand to the bed, something fell in her lap weighing down the sheets where it landed.
A ring.
A platinum, princess cut diamond engagement ring. The kind of ring she'd been picturing all her life.
She set the paper back down and picked up the ring as Henry entered the room.
"Morning." he smiled.
"I think you're supposed to help me put this on." Ophelia said, holding up the ring.
Henry sat on the edge of the bed.
"Is that a yes?"
Ophelia nodded.
"Can't help but trust what comes from the Times." she shrugged.
Henry laughed.
"I figured as much."

Rebounder

Ophelia is a rebound girl.
Or, more often, a in between girl.
Boys'll mess around with her until they're ready to commit to the one they really like. It's happened more times than she can count, now.

The most recent, stung the hardest.
Ophelia let herself fall for a guy she knew from the start, she couldn't have.
He was a limited time offer, and they both knew it.
But the things he said; the way he treated her, she was helpless. He was perfect.

She'd let herself dream that maybe, just maybe, circumstances would play in her favor and they could be together.

But now he was in a relationship-- with someone else. Undoubtedly someone better.

She should have known her place by now. The girl you could play with, no questions asked, until you were finished. She wasn't the place you looked for long term happiness.