Train Wreck'ed

Popped half a pill
to get to sleep last night
when the feelings like a caffeine overdose
screamed and I remembered
'this is what it feels like to be suicidal'.
It's been months since I've had a legit impulse
but there it was;
bubbling away in my veins.
So, so tired I couldn't move;
but the anxiety tore on inside me.
Almost as bad as that time in high school,
itching away the day at my desk,
waiting to get home and finish
my final test.

Anyway,
the pill took away the pain.
And I woke up this morning still floating.
Half a xanax hasn't gotten me high in years,
but this past month of total sobriety
has cleansed me of tolerance.
And it scares me that this is the closest I've felt
to normal
in years.
Because half a pill
dissolved itself, under my tongue,
and into my bloodstream.

I'm an addict in the making.